Somedays back a friend of mine told me that Deccan Herald is holding a story writing competition, would I be interested to participate? I was all excited and thankful to him but the only problem that I found was that the last day for story submission was just 4 days away, the coming Sunday. At that time there was crazy work pressure going on in my office when almost everyday I was working for 15-16 hours. My weekends were also equally busy with swimming classes in the morning and music class in the evening. I was struggling to find at least two hours in my life to be able to write the story, whose idea was already there in my mind. On that Sunday, which was the last day to submit my story, my sister had to go to beauty parlour and I decided to accompany her there along with my laptop. So, sitting in the beauty parlour when my sister was getting her hair colured, I finished my story. After grammatical and typo corrections, I sent out the story. So, now when I read the story, I find a lot of places where the language could have been fine tuned and I'm not surprized that Deccan Herald decided not to publish the story. Here goes my story for my blog readers:
Reminiscence
The sound of a sudden gush of rain and a cold shiver through the body awoke Prabha up. She realized that she again had pushed her blanket out of the bed and was lying in cold. She felt a pang in the heart and couldn’t but help thinking about Shreedhar; how he always used to draw the blanket on her. After all these 17 years, she still misses him the way she used to miss him when she used to go to her parents’ house after marriage.
This day was a little different. It rained the whole night before. The mild and rhythmic sound of the tiny drops falling and crushing on concrete walls and roof had put her to deep sleep. After a long time she slept so sound. But the dreams, thousands of them, followed her faithfully too. She was transferred into the time when Nandini was born. Nandini is their first child. Shreedhar wanted a daughter and he was happy like a child when he saw the newborn’s face for the first time. Nandini was born with Prabha’s golden fair skin and Shreedhar’s dark eyes. Shreedhar had immediately come up with the name Nandini, which means daughter in Sanskrit! Karthik came to their lives much later.
It was late. She had missed her walk for today. It was still raining. She prepared a cup of coffee for herself and sat in her favourite spot by the window. She found it amusing that with no one fighting to get this favourite chair anymore, this chair actually had lost it charm. Now she sometimes sits in the chair on the opposite side of the table or sometimes even in the hall. She closed her eyes and could see how Shreedhar along with Nandini and Karthik would race for the chair and tease her. Her last resort was to mock anger and head towards the hall. That’s all was required. Now, all three of them would start running after her and would try to pacify her.
The wall clock rang 8 times. This wall clock was one indulgence of Shreedhar. Prabha was not particularly happy with the idea of having a wall clock at home, ringing every half an hour. But Shreedhar was too fond of this wall clock. He always used to say how he used to go to his uncle’s house in the neighbouring village and sit for hours in front of the wall clock to hear it ring. Shreedhar’s family was not affluent and he had a difficult childhood. But his merit and sincerity had brought him scholarship and had also earned the support from all his relatives, which helped him to complete Masters in Chemistry and thus start a career in Bangalore University. Now when Shreedhar is no more, she longs for the wall clock to ring and sometimes she sits for hours in front of the clock to hear it ring. There are so many habits she picked up in last 17 years that Shreedhar abandoned on the way.
Nandini would be calling anytime now. This is lunch time in Melbourne. When she goes for lunch, unless she is really busy with her students, she would call Prabha. Nandini is also like her father, a professor. She teaches Psychology. Nandini’d husband, Narayan is a scholar too and he is a professor of Mathematics. Sometimes Prabha wonders how many scholars she has around her, but no one is with her now to guide her as how she should cope with this gripping loneliness that tightens its clutch every passing day. How she should live with this vacuum that Shreedhar left behind him.
Karthik would call after one hour, after his dinner. Karthik lives in Denver. He is a software engineer and has chosen the USA his home like many other boys in the city. Karthik was more like Prabha, impatient and arrogant. He used to hate reading and used to get annoyed at almost everything. Shreedhar and Nandini would sit for hours and help him complete his homework. Prabha always used to wonder from where Shreedhar would bring so much patience and serenity. In her 34 years of marriage, she had never seen him lose his cool unless for once.
The door bell rang. Who could be there at this hour? Malathi is not coming today. She has gone to her village and would be back only after 3 days. Prabha couldn’t think of anyone else visiting her now. The bell rang again.
Prabha looked through the security hole. There is a man standing there, half drenched, holding an umbrella, with a clam face. She half opened the door with the safety latch still on. It’s not safe for old people to open door to strangers.
“Good morning madam. I am coming from the Shishu Sadan orphanage. Could you help our children with some donation?”
Prabha got alarmed. She said “I don’t have money with me. My son will come in the evening. Come then.” She lied. She didn’t want this stranger to let know that she’s alone in the house.
“No problem madam. If you want, you can give me old clothes, sweaters, blankets or even toys. Our organization gives shelter to orphans. Anything you give them is going to be of great help to them. If you want....
The phone started ringing. It must be Nandini. If she doesn’t answer the phone now, Nandini would get worried, Prabha thought. But the man was saying something else. She had to go and answer the phone now.
“Ok, come in the evening. I’ll see what I can find out” said Prabha in a hurry so that she could see the man off, closed the door and ran for the phone.
“Hi ma, what took you so long to answer the phone? Are you alright?” it was Nandini.
“Yes, I am alright. There was someone from an orphanage at the door. He wants help for the children there. I have asked him to come back in the evening.”
“Ma, don’t trust anyone. It may be just another crook. Be careful. Why have you asked him to come back in the evening? What are you planning to give him?”
“Let’s see if I find anything. May be some old clothes of yours, Karthik’s and your papa’s”
“What? You would give our old clothes? Ma, you can’t really trust some stranger and give away all our old clothes, we have such good memories! How can you even think.......
Prabha was thinking that it’s so easy for her children to demand something; even now when she’s at the end of her life. It’s easy for her daughter to tell her mother what to do or what not to sitting thousand miles away. But how should she live without trusting anyone? She’s alone here. She remembered her own mother. How she used to wait for Prabha and her kids to go and visit her, especially after her father had passed away. Prabha was their only child. But at that time, Prabha was so busy with her life with Shreedhar, Nandini and Karthik that she didn’t visit her mother for two years. How angry she was after they had gone to see her in Udupi after two years. Prabha was hurt with her mother’s outburst. But Shreedhar understood her mother even better than her. He explained her later how lonely her mother must have been all this while waiting for Prabha to visit her. Now at 78, she can understand what her mother had felt at that time. “Shreedhar, you were right then, like always.” thought Prabha.
“Ma, are you there”?, Asked Nandini.
Prabha was again lost in her thought. This is something happens to her now.
“Yes, I am here. So, how are you all? How is Narayan? How is Tanuj doing? Last time you had promised you would bring Tanuj to talk to me” Prabha deliberately changed the topic. She didn’t want to discuss anything about the orphanage donation with anyone anymore. She had made up her mind. As if the adamant self of hers had returned. And she also knew how to shut her daughter up. She never approved of the fact that Nandini and Narayan never pushed their son Tanuj to learn Kannada, instead they prefer to speak to him in English. Tanuj was 14 years old now and he sounds like a foreign boy to her, without any emotional chord attached.
“Yes ma, but you know how he is. He is not comfortable to speak in Kannada and you would not learn English. You know how difficult it is.”
“Yes, of course. I know.”
“Ma, let me call you back tomorrow. There are some students here who need to talk to me.”
“Ok, you carry on.”
“And ma, please be careful. You are alone there. Don’t trust strangers and outsiders,”
“Yes yes, I’ll take care. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine”
There was a lull at home again. But Prabha was excited. She was wondering what was it that made her so thrilled and keen. Then she remembered it. She was to look for old clothes and sweaters for the orphanage. She felt charged up. After so many years, she somehow felt excited in something. Now a day, nothing seems to excite her anymore. Malathi keeps telling her about her autistic son, her drunkard husband and all her visits to the temples. She listens to her life struggle without curiosity. Malathi keeps telling her that how fortunate Prabha was to have such bright children and have enjoyed such a complete life with a loving husband. Prabha knows she is right. Very few people would be so fortunate to have a life like Prabha. But then her life is not complete yet. Ever since Karthik and his family moved to Denver 11 years back, Prabha has been living in this house alone. Initially it used to be so difficult to adapt to this new lifestyle. She used to miss Pari the most. Little Pari would be always around her wrapping her little hands around Prabha’s knees. Now Pari would be 16 years old. She must have forgotten her days with her grandma now, busy in her new life. Karthik’s wife Sushma comes from a rich family. She herself being a haughty girl never really could see mother in another hot headed and adamant woman Prabha. Their relationship never could grow to a healthy one. Prabha used to miss Shreedhar so badly during those days. Had Shreedhar been around, Sushma would have been accepted in their house like another daughter and their relationship would have been much better. Had Shreedhar been around, Karthik and Sushma would never decide to move to Denver. No matter what she tells others, she can never shrug the sting off her chest that it actually was Prabha’s adamant behaviour that brought her life to this point.
How many years would have passed before she opened the almirah in Nandini’s study room? Prabha can’t even remember when was the last time she had actually come to this room. Malathi does dusting for the entire house, and Prabha doesn’t really care how well she does it. There was a time when this house used to be her dream house. Shreedhar had paid attention to every smallest to biggest demand she had made for the house. Prabha wanted to have her house literally bathe in sun light and Shreedhar had planned for wall long windows. Now it’s a common feature in modern flats. But at that time, it was unique and stylish. Prabha wanted to have long walking trail around the house which would be covered with different gulmohur trees. Now when she sees people going to parks and walking their sweat out, she wonders how well Shreedhar had cocooned her in her dream life. But now when Shreedhar is no more, she can’t forgive herself for all the screaming she had done on him for the smallest of things going wrong. He never used to argue to her. May be that’s why God decided to give her the final blow.
She opened the almirah in Nandini’s room. She remembers that after Nandini was married off, they had decided to keep all their sweaters and winter clothes in this almirah. In the bottom rack, the sweaters were stacked neatly. She drew the first one. Her shaky hands made one more fall from its place. She grabbed it also. It was Shreedhar’s sweater. Prabha had knitted it for him in their first year of marriage. Though it was an arranged marriage, but after 2-3 months of the marriage, she had found herself so helplessly in love with this ever-smiling shy and sincere boy, that she wanted to do something for him. One day when Shreedhar had left for the university, she had gone out and went to the nearby market to buy wools so that she could make a sweater for him. She was new in Bangalore and didn’t know where to find what. She roamed in the market for two hours but couldn’t find any shop selling wools. She was so frustrated that she came back home. After Shreedhar had come back home in the evening, she broke down in front of him. Shreedhar then had taken her to the Jayanagar market. She bought 4 kilos of yellow and 4 kilos of blue wools, fearing wools would get over before the sweater. After that she has gone to Jayanagar market so many times, with or without Shreedhar. But she still remembers the time she had gone there for the first time, with Shreedhar. She kept that sweater aside to give to the orphanage. The sweater was still in good condition and she would be happy if someone finds it useful. She knows that Shreedhar would be happy too.
She took out another sweater from the rack. It was Karthik’s. He had bought this sweater before he was going to Nainital for his honeymoon. The sweater had got stuck somewhere in the boat when they were boating in the Naini lake and had earned a hole. That’s why they left it here and didn’t carry it to Denver. She decided to give it away as well.
Then she saw the yellow cardigan. It was in the back side of the rack. Her heart skipped a beat and her hands trembled. Shreedhar had bought this sweater for her when they had gone to Ooty just after their marriage. It was colder in Ooty than they had expected. She was drawing her shawl closer after they got down from the train. Shreedhar also looked uncomfortable in his jacket. They checked into a hotel that Shreedhar’s friend had suggested. They decided to go out and buy sweaters immediately. They went to a shop and were surprised to see sweaters of so many patterns and colours. Prabha selected a maroon high neck pullover for Shreedhar and he had selected this yellow cardigan for her. They looked so happy with their purchases, with themselves that the old shop keeper gifted them a woollen hand gloves. Life with Shreedhar was so happy. She kept that cardigan aside for herself. She decided to wear it again now until she meets Shreedhar again in the life after.
She sorted out three cardigans and seven pullovers to donate to the orphanage. She wanted to donate blankets and quilts also but they are kept in the upper rack in the room. There was a ladder to get things down from the rack, but she couldn’t have possibly climbed up now. This upper rack brought back some old memories too. Nandini was three years old then and Prabha was expecting for the second time. It was her sixth month. Shreedhar had specifically asked her not to climb up the ladder, but she being all her stubborn self, climbed up and then there was the slip. They lost the baby. It took another three years for her to give birth to Karthik. That was the only time when she had seen Shreedhar losing his calm.
Prabha decided to ask for Malathi’s help for getting the blankets and quilts down. She thought that she would give away some blankets and old clothes to Malathi too.
The clock rang 2pm. She was surprised. How did all this time pass by? She didn’t even realize it! It felt like those earlier days when whole day she would be busy with chores at home. Shreedhar always used to tease her for she used to miss the clock ringing loud as she used to be so occupied with her work. She would run from one corner of the house to another with work and would ask for time. She felt that time again and she felt she was smiling. The incessant sound of rain outside felt nice now.
She felt hungry. What would she cook today? Enough of lemon rice every day. She decided to have puliyogre instead. Shreedhar used to love having puliyogre on rainy days. She thought that there is no end of complains in life. Just like she complains that her children abandoned her, her mother also used to do the same. Malathi is right. She has had a wonderful life. Then, why not try to live the rest of the life in happy memory? Why not spend time reminiscing the beautiful time she had spent with Shreedhar and her two kids? She can do it, if not for anyone else, then at least for Shreedhar.
